Time of the Unknown

The world has flipped upside down and I don’t have a name for it. Stay at Home sounds so cozy. Quarantine isn’t quite right. Social distancing has been overplayed and doesn’t describe the situation well. Coronavirus or Covid-19 are too jargony. I need a name for this time that both describes the situation and doesn’t hit you over the head with a virus.

I thought about the Time of Solitude, but like quarantine, that isn’t quite right. I have a roommate and I have friends that I video and phone and text with. There is no physical contact though and that affects me. It reminds me of breaking up with the Sailor and being alone for so long after. I wanted that time to get to know myself, but it was lonely. I did get friend hugs then though and now those are all virtual.

One of the worst things about this global crisis is the unknown. How this thing snuck up on us, was shrouded in misinformation and seen as some people overreacting. It’s been building slowly, each step painful, and now we are sheltering in place. Going out only to buy food or get a little exercise. Maintaining 6 feet of distance from anyone who does not live in your house.

I’ve had time to get used to it now. As things were ramping up, I often had little break down moments. Crying or almost crying, staring blankly into space, overwhelmed by the possibilities. Reading the newspaper line by line in awe of what we are experiencing.

It’s moved from a concept, to people I don’t know, to friends and family of people I do know. It’s becoming more real and closer with each passing day.

I’ve been riding my bike. For the first week, it seemed okay to ride with friends if we kept social distance. Now I ride alone. I bake, I do projects, I fix things right away instead of waiting. No sleepovers with the man I’ve been seeing. No seeing him at all. We text and we call, but we have to wait.

One thing that’s been helping me cope is the Yale Coursera course The Science of Well-Being. It’s free and takes up to 10 weeks to complete, but I finished 2 weeks in one last week. The professor, Laurie Santos, emphasizes the need to be intentional about the good things you experience each day. No matter how small. The things that you think give you happiness–career success, money, material things–don’t really. You always want more and think that happiness lies in the future when you achieve that larger paycheck, that higher grade, that promotion. In reality, happiness lies in enjoying the sun on your face, the apple blossoms in the spring, the way the light hits that leaf just right, your child dancing and singing in the living room to Baby Shark.